My week, however excellent, has been riddled by fear. Pluralize that. Fears. A general philosophy I carry into life is focus on now and glance a step ahead every few hours. I always figured that if I'm doing what love, and doing it well, that life will lay a nice little path in front of me. It might have a 7% incline, but I can take it slow.
Too bad my pretty little path has been run over by bulldozer. Well, maybe not yet but they mailed me a warning.
I know that eventually I'll be doing exactly what I want to do. I know I have control. I know that fear is antithesis of faith.
One of the only things I remember poignantly from 8th grade is a poster that sat on the left side of my diet-soda obsessed health teacher:
"Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere."
In the words of OutKast, "Tru Dat". (Not that I listen to OutKast. Google, baby)
That was a slight rant. Ranting blogs are one of my pet peeves, so I'll stop.
In case you haven't been reading this blog, I love, love, love, lists. Love.
These are my not so deep and dark secrets:
- Occasionally, on the bus I find myself toe tapping to a country song (Don't worry, I stop as soon as I notice)
- However disgusting, smelly, and odd tasting they are I really like Ranch Corn Nuts. They're almost worth the bad breath
- I like boys with very obvious talents
- I also like lurps
- Anything that I do well, I see as my new worst so I can work above it
- Sometimes I listen to Celtic music
- Also, about twice a year I listen to Kayne West
- I don't like the idea of my parents dying. That's not really a secret, I'm sure most people feel the same way. Mostly I'm scared of them being gone when I'm too young to deal with it.
- Except for running outside, I hate working out. I have to force myself three times a week.
- I don't own one pair of cute shoes
- Unless they're mine, I really don't like animals. I also have a bad track record. I killed my fish and lost my dog.
- My writing hasn't improved that much in three years. It's sad, and I'm working to change it
- No matter how good of shape I'm in, I will never be a size 1. Or 3. Or 5. Etc, etc.
- Make me laugh and you've won my heart
- I could eat pizza, pasta, and orange juice for months
- I sleep a lot, at regular times. I'm rarely in bed after midnight.
- I'm a crier
- I've seen every episode of gilmore girls. When she's not doing the nasty, I want to be Rory.
- In three years I'll be as good of an editor as mine have been to me
- Even though I'm always looking to improve, I like who I am. It took me 5 years to get here, so I'm not going to let anybody blow it.