Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The Rhetoric of Attraction

The other day, in one of our many "love and things" talks, my roommate mentioned something that's been wandering in the back of my head for a few days.

"Why do you always see girls dating down, but guys almost always dating up?"

I don't want create some one-sided, man hating, dating stereotype, but isn't it true? I can't count the number of times a day I see a couple and wonder how that particular guy won over such a cute/attractive/all around catch of a girl. On the other hand, how often do you see an average girl with a model-esqe guy and think, "Wow, she caught herself a winner!" Not so much.

Things change with age and marriage. Sometimes. Maybe it's the way we're built. Maybe it's the culture we live in. Maybe you think this all sounds like a load of bull. I think lots (but certainly not all) girls would agree with me in saying that while looks are important to us, we prefer a well groomed, normal smelling, kind n' generous, average looking male over a six pack with a face. But again, I can't speak for the entire female race. Sex in the City is proof of that.

Females have their quirks. In English class today we had a discussion on the expectations that "Chick Flicks" set for guys. It was almost comical. Almost every male in the class expressed the opinion that when they watch chick flicks with girls, they feel some sort of responsibility to hold hands, cuddle with the girls, or in some cases, have a nice little make-out session even if they don't really want to, because they male lead of the movie is doing it. Now, there are 1001 flaws I can point out in this argument, starting with the making out comments, but I'll restrain. My favorite comment of the discussion?

Tyson: "Girls always say they feel giddy inside when they watch chick flicks. I don't understand that, I've never felt that way about a romantic movie. But I get giddy when I watch Star Wars. Maybe it's the same thing."

Another stereotype? Girls always see guys as the heart breakers. If a girl decides she doesn't want to date a particular guy due to lack of attraction, personality, yada yada yada, then she is simply moving on to greener pastures. If a guy does the same thing, he's suddenly the player, mister non commitment, or...a jerk. Sometimes that is the case, both ways. Yet, somehow I see girls breaking a lot more hearts than guys.

Now you're saying..."Allee, what in the heck are you getting at?"

Dating is hard. Avoiding falling in love with the idea of love is hard. Finding "a" somebody is hard.

I'll probably fall really hard on my face at least a few more times before I find a somebody. In actuality, it will be many, many more times. I have a few years. I'm not looking for Clark Kent (although I wouldn't mind ;) Can't resist a man who can write).

Maybe I don't know what I'm looking for, and maybe just maybe, that's okay. I'll know when I find it.


  1. I blog stalk lots of people. But when I have numerous posts to catch up on I always save yours for last. And this is why. You're such a brilliant writer. (ignore my grammatical flaws in this comment btw)You think a lot like me and it makes me laugh. Just thought I'd let you know, you're particularly witty lately. :)

  2. Just offering a different perspective...
    It may just be because I'm bitter, but I personally more often see girls that I think are dating "above them". The Jeanette-is-bitter plays into it because I think to myself, "I'm cuter than that girl, why can't I be the one dating a guy like that?" As shallow and petty as it sounds, that's my brain, and I take full responsibility for it.
    Anyway, I think dating is just funny. Not in a good way necessarily, although it can be. But just in the weird-no-one-really-understands it way. That's all.

  3. @ Jen: That's funny, because I've always been jealous of how well you write. And just you in general :)

    @ Jeanette: You're right. I think those girls who you refer to as dating "above" are usually really good at flirting. They get what they want. Dating is like a game that nobody has the instructions to. Occasionally fun, but mostly frustrating.


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